"Running is not a religion, it is a place."
The reporter
in Anchorage was skeptical. "Is it true, " he asked,
"that you have called running a religion?" I had come
to Alaska feeling insecure, not certain of what I had to offer
these pioneer people. My talks were not yet formulated in my mind.
To me, it looked as though Alaskans were already fit, and now
I was being challenged in the other values I might claim for a
running program.
I
thought about the question. If I hadn't called running a religion,
I had certainly implied it. I had repeated Jim Fixx's story of
the woman who described her husband by saying, "Ted used
to be a Methodist, but now he's a runner." And I had compared
running to Oliver Alden's pursuit of sculling and horseback riding
in George Santayana's The Last Puritan. "A wordless religion,"
Santanyana had called Alden's regimen.
But
Santanyana thought of religion not as truth, but as poetry. And
he was an observer of athletes, not an athlete himself. He had
come up with a poetic phrase and missed the point. And so had
I. But fortunately, now I knew the answer. I looked at the reporter
and said, "Running is like Alaska. Running is not a religion,
it is a place."
This
idea had been germinating in my head during the flight from Seattle.
I had read an account of a seven-month stay in a Trappist monastery
by Father Henri Nouwen, a Belgian priest well known in literary
and academic circles. His book, A Genesee Diary, gave me a new
insight into the true nature of the running life.
Nouwen's
problems are remarkably similar to mine. The things that drove
him to retire to the monastery are the same as those that plague
me day after day. He was caught in an ascending spiral of activity.
Each talk, each article, each book, ignited requests for more
talks and articles and books, every ring of the phone another
demand on his time.
This
way of life is addictive. Withdrawal symptoms occur whenever requests
and letters and compliments diminish or cease. So the victim has
little choice except to continue and even escalate the activity.
"While
complaining of too many demands," Nouwen writes, "I
felt uneasy when none were made. While speaking of the burden
of letter writing, an empty mailbox made me sad. While fretting
about my lecture tours, I felt disappointed when there were no
invitations. While desiring to be alone, I was afraid to be alone."
The
priest who had been teaching and lecturing and writing about the
importance of solitude, inner freedom, and peace of mind had become
a prisoner, locked into unceasing activity.
Finally
he made the decision to step back. The time had come, he said,
to restore some solitude, some stillness, some isolation to his
life. He needed to take a long look at himself and his role in
preaching the word of God. So he took a leave of absence and entered
the Trappist monastery at Genesee, near Rochester, New York. It
was, he found, a perfect place to retreat and restore himself.
The
monastery is a place for the body. Father Nouwen was assigned
to work in the bakery, helping to make bread, the monks' commercial
enterprise. Later, he was chosen to gather stones to build a new
chapel.
But the monastery is also a place for the mind. Father Nouwen
had his own little sanctum for meditation. Even at work or in
the company of others, talking was kept to a minimum. The only
demands on his mind were those he made himself.
And
of course, the monastery is a place for the soul. "The monastery,"
says Father Nouwen, "is not built to solve problems, but
to praise the Lord in the midst of them."
The
monastery is a place for ordinary people, for sinners as well
as saints. The work sometimes chafed. Relationships were strained.
Thought came slowly. Prayer seemed impossible. Nouwen was still
Nouwen. But all the while, he knew he was there because of an
inner "must." And he stayed because, he says, "I
knew I was in the right place."
And
all the while, the priest expected to come out a different person,
more integrated, more spiritual, more virtuous, more compassionate,
more gentle, more joyful, more understanding. "I hoped that
my restlessness would turn into quietude, my tensions into a peaceful
lifestyle, my ambivalence into a single-minded commitment to God."
But
upon leaving, Father Nouwen knew there had been only a lull in
the battle with himself. He was the same man, with the same problems.
So he asked the abbot for advice. "You must put 90 minutes
aside every day for prayer," the abbot told him. If Father
Nouwen was to take Genesee home with him, he would have to take
time for his daily dialogue with himself and his God. Without
constant renewal, what he had experienced at the monastery would
vanish. Otherwise, for the rest of his life, he would awake in
the morning with the same tendencies, the same desires, the same
sins that he conquered only the day before. Only a return each
day to the monastery would save him.
Running,
I told the reporter, is just such a monastery-a retreat, a place
to commune with God and yourself, a place for psychological and
spiritual renewal.
Copyright © The George Sheehan Trust